Do saalon se

It's been a while since I sat down and wrote something.. It's been a roller coaster over the last coupla years.. A few downs and lotsa ups.. Getting married and having a kid were great life events that happened.. I've reached a juncture in life where your playlist has been the same for a long time life has come to a sort of a monotony..

Though there are no complaints about how things are going but then a smooth sailing ship is no fun.. Especially for a Sagittarian like me.. Though the travel has been there pretty much but the frequency has reduced.. This is the time of my life where are all my friends are married and settled with good jobs but no time for each other.. Phase of life where you sit and yearn about the good old days.. Probably when I see some college kids having fun I would be like what are these kids doing at their age we had way more fun..

I happened to visit a coffee shop recently and found kids from school having coffee and smoking.. Though I have probably seen kids smoking before couple of my friends did back when we were young it was more of an innocent attempt to look like grown up adults, probably pretending to be Rajanikanth.. But this gives me a perspective of growing up at a much younger age.. I wonder how and what my son would do while he grows up..

Normally I'm a social person so a weekly party or a dinner would definitely happen.. Though the number of movies have drastically reduced the reason being the quality of movies being so horrid in the past few years.. It astonishes me at the amount of junk they reel out and yet people pay money to watch it and I would be sitting and pondering when I was young they made much better movies which is certainly often debate with my wife.. Being a movie buff I just cannot watch a below par movie and there have been instances where I have walked out of the theater 15 mins into the movie..

Movies apart my time of reading books has completely been snatched away from me, though I have read the odd books while traveling but the actual number has astonishingly dropped.. Same with the gaming time.. I've gotten fitter though shedding quite a bit of weight since the knee surgery.. So where is all the time going?? Is it that I'm working too much or that I'm not planning my time properly??

Well at this point in time I'm not sure what the answer to that is.. Time is a very relative term and seems to be either fast or slow depending on how good or bad your experiences are through it.. Time has been quite cruel to me as I was growing up but those instances and circumstances are what made me what I am today.. But those hard times went real slow it's been a decade of hardships and hard work and I've grown as a man from that puny kid who didn't know where his life was going.. I had to take the reigns of the horse at a very young age

I write this post watching Lord of the rings the return of the two kings as Denethor, the Steward of Gondor residing in its capital Minas Tirith, bids Pippin to sing for him while he eats. At the same time, Denethor's son Faramir attempts to retake the city of Osgiliath which has been occupied by Orcs, as requested by his father. The mission is a futile one. Pippin sings while Faramir and his horsemen are riding in slow motion to be massacred by the Orcs. As the song ends, Pippin begins to cry softly, as he realizes that Faramir most likely died in vain to try to prove to his father that he was like his slain older brother Boromir, whom Denethor loved greatly. 

This movie and particularly the song puts things into perspective for a person who will be turning 30 later this year. 

Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight

Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall fade 

All shall fade indeed sooner or later, I don't feel old I'm probably at the prime of my life but looking ahead for the sunset or waiting for the sunrise is the dilemma I'm facing which seems to be a big deal right now.. 

So what is this post about?? To that I've the answer. Absolutely nothing is the answer. When someone asks me how I am I say ALL IS WELL.. I'm keeping Amma and Appa happy, have a great friend for a wife and a lovely son to die for so what else does someone need to be happy?? Money?? Power??

I would say good people.. The times I've been through the best and most valuable things I've earned is relationships and people.. I've met many people in this short life of mine many have come many have gone, some have come for their own selfish motives, some for nothing, but what matters the most is the best have stayed to that dear god I'm thankful.. One thing that I've learnt in life is help anyone and everyone sometimes it has caused me a great deal of misery but I've never backed down from helping anyone..

So basically when I started this post I didn't think I would write some much about randomness.. But I've managed to write quite a bit.. So if you are still reading this without dozing off then kudos to you, you're truly great.. :) So is that all life is start to the end a mere journey?? No it isn't so make friends, make mistakes, make moments, make time count while it lasts.

“End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.”- J.R.R. Tolkien

The Great Indian Hero

Bollywood, Kollywood, Tollywood, Mollywood, Sandalwood and many other woods present in India... The environmentalists and the tree huggers can have a sigh of relief, I am not talking about real trees but the varied Indian film industries from north to the south... Talkies aka Cinemas aka Movies are in our blood and veins...

We are the only country where we worship our actors and idolize them as role models... Pick a school child in random and ask him what he wants to be he would say I wanna be like SRK or any one of those Ridiculous Khans...

Speaking of the Ridiculous Khans, in spite of being varied in the way we make our movies the woods have one special entity in common... One common characteristic that connects all these woods, again the tree huggers can take a sigh of relief we are not gonna cut down trees to connect any woods...

This one common speck of entity connecting the woods is the GREAT INDIAN HERO...

Ohhh Hell yeah we are talking now... Any Indian movie script compulsorily must and I stress MUST have a hero in it... All the Indian script writers have a common template to their movies... This is an excerpt of one such script... :)

Movie always starts off with Hero introduction... Saves someone mostly the heroine or her cousin sister or her uncles friend or her step mothers grand daughter... Irrespective of whom he saves which is irrelevant the hero says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes in alone and throws people here and there and the introduction is over...

Second part of the movie is where he falls in love with the heroine or vice versa happens... he asks his friends for suggestions tips and tricks to woo the girl but at the end of the day he says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes alone and woos the girl with all the charm in the world and the girl falls like SUPERMAN to a stone of kryptonite..

Third and usually the final part where the super villain grabs the heroine and has the entire world as hostage at some super secret location which is reachable by an hrs drive from the hero's house... Again the Hero says I HAVE A PLAN... well for the umpteenth time the next scene he goes out alone without caring for his own life with unlimited ammo in one cartridge of a clay made AK-47 that looks like a tommy gun with roll caps... Well as for always the GREAT INDIAN HERO saves the day and rescues everyone from the baddies...

And we all lived happily every after... :)

Until then signing off with the GREAT INDIAN HERO who keeps the streets of India safe from baddies... :)

Cheers till next time... :)

Ten things I hate about you: The Mindless Driver

Top ten things I hate about Mindless car drivers..... :)

1. I hate the way you drive slow on the fast lane... and the way you cut lanes....
2. Hate the way you jump signals...
3. I hate it when you honk...
4. I hate your large dumb high beams...
5. I hate your attitude so much that it makes me puke...
6. I hate it when you make a mistake and hate the way you think you are always right...
7. Hate it when you park, especially on a curve and think people can fly over you...
8. Hate it when you don't give me way...
9. Hate you more when you just put the person behind you in trouble and drive away like nothing happened...
10. Most of all I hate you for buying a car, when you should have just taken a bus...

Nevertheless I Hate you for hating me the same way I hate you..... :)

Auto Raja

Public transport is one of the most efficient of transport until recently in Bangalore. Buses and Autos and Taxis are the mostly used according to the descending order of use. Buses do not pose a big threat by con men apart from the odd conductor not giving you change ranging from 2Rs to 10Rs.

Meanwhile taxis are usually organized and again not much of threat as most of  the people using taxis are usually to the airport or even they don't its quite fool proof.

Then you have the local auto rajas of Bangalore. They can literally take you out on a Bangalore Yatra if you aren't from around and even if you are and don't know the routes. I am not saying that everyone is a con man who would just swindle you for an extra buck.

But the trick is to trick a con man into making him think that you know the place. So here is the list of five things that you shouldn't do while getting into an auto.

1. First Commandment: Sir nimage route gotha?? Do you know the route.?? Never ask the Auto raja if he knows the route to a particular place.
2. Second Commandment: When he says Meter mele hathu rupai kodi (meter charges plus ten rs) usually the place is nearby and you can probably walk the distance.
3. Third Commandment: Do not succumb to emotional atyachar like poor people, full day riding to make a living and nonsense like that. He is out to make an honest living not to ask for qualms. 
4. Fourth Commandment: Never ask him if he can take a route always tell him to take a route. If you think you know an area that comes in between your departure and destination tell the areas name and ask him to take that route. That usually throws him off guard and makes him think you know the place.
5. Fifth Commandment: This is the final and most important of them all. If you see a photo of a person shown below, stuck on the wind shield never ask him if it is the auto raja's father cause I cannot guarantee you will reach your destination in one piece.

This just some of the rules that I personally think works with our local auto raja's. And for god's sake please never ask who Rajkumar aka Raj anna is.... ;)

Cheers until then... :)

Day to Day Survival Strategy

Every day we deal with people, this poses the greatest challenge to one's character and his ability to cope with LIFE on a daily basis..

There are two kinds of people we generally meet the The GOOD and The BAD... The GOOD generally do good deeds so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the BAD one's generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now generally speaking there are two kinds of BAD people... the one's who ungli themselves and the one's who ungli others... The one's that ungli themselves are self destructive elements so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the one's who ungli us generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

 The one's who ungli us can be of two kinds one with long fingers and other with small fingers... the one's with the small fingers wont be able to hurt your pubic hairs also so u generally don't have to worry about them, whereas the one's with the long fingers generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now the one's with the long fingers can be of two types generally...  the genetic freaks and the non genetic freaks... the genetic freaks are all the one's with the manufacturing defect so nothing can be done about them they will be the same forever, whereas the non genetic freaks generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

That gives us the BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS... this infinitesimally narrow minded group of self righteous jackasses are the one's whom we generally need to deal with on a daily day to day basis... Statistically speaking this is a group of narcissistic, people loathing bunch of jerks... As the management strategy goes figuring out the problem is 75% of your solution. We now know what your issue is and what exact group of people cause major problems in your life..

We now can isolate this group of problem causing people this has solved 75% of your problems... now comes the solution part... we have two solutions or rather two ways to go about it or philosophically speaking this is your fork in the road... We can either choose to fight fire with fire and become BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS in their lives and get your hands dirty which is actually unhygienic and uncouth...

While we have another way to go about doing things... Assume you are in the matrix and these group of people are those people that are in the matrix and you are Neo the one who understands the reality, and in your reality these people don't really hold any value and they are merely a figment of your imagination... they are so small that they don't even deserve a Kilobyte of your memory space in your brain...

Finally Its not about Forgive and Forget, it's about not accepting that such people even exist... Keep smiling whatever happens... (",)

The Humping laws... :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Do not get deceived or start fantasizing after reading the title, You people must understand that no obscenity will be entertained on this blog in any form... So without much further ado what am I here to write about...

Well from ages of research and investigation here are my findings about how, why and where do the BBMP(Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara palike) guys put humps and make their roads... Before we go into the details of the study I would like to describe what is a hump and different kinds of humps that can be found on the road... Humps are basically designed to slow down and oncoming vehicle...

The word hump is basically derived from hump of a camel since it is shaped similarly... Now other than the traditional humps there are 2 other kinds of humps that can be found on the road one is the Speed cushions and the flat top humps... I call them the speed cushions THE RATTLERS and i call the the flat top humps THE FLIERS... So enough of this gyan lets go to the main gyan at hand...

So following are the rules they follow to make those dreadful HUMPS,

Whenever the contractor fights with his wife he adds a HUMP... The number of HUMPS are directly proportional to the intensity of the fight and the type of HUMP depends on the Universal Humping constant H...

Every other time the contractor sees a Software engineer on the road the contractor lays down a HUMP in his memory, Therefore the number of HUMPS is actually equal to the number of software engineers in Bangalore. The point to be noted here is the HUMPS laid for a software engineer is always a FLIER as software engineers always search for a platform to take off from.

The contractor being a big sandalwood fan every time there is a flop movie that comes out he lays down a HUMP in memory of the producer who has gone bust... Hence the number of HUMPS is directly proportional to the number of dead, suicidal, bust producers of Kannada movies.

So that concludes my HUMPING laws.... Happy and Safe HUMPING... :D

Mid Summer Dreams (Part 2) : The TEST

Very few people make a huge impact in our lives... Only one or two of them are worth remembering however painful remembering them is... Reena was her name the fresh software tester right out of college... Raghu woke up with a hangover like headache with just one thing ringing in his mind Reena... Rekha was trying to tell him the chores he had to do today and all he could hear was a blunt ring... When she was done he just nodded in agreement as she left him and Arjun for a Dad and sons day out together... It was a gloomy summer day after the rain the previous day and he thought to himself GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE...

He got up from him is bed and with the most strategically implemented plans efficiently managed to tidy up everything and finished the chores he could remember from the rambles earlier in the morning... When he was done it was time for breakfast and Arjun got his dads specialty breakfast cereal with cold milk... When arjun asked his dad "papa why cant I get something hot for breakfast" all he would get in a reply would be "ohh beta shall I pop it in the microwave for sometime" he was old enough to know this answer so arjun being the bigger man refrained from popping the question to his lovely dad...

Still in Raghu's thoughts was Reena he wanted to finish breakfast quickly and get to do some reading on the laptop... Arjun called it lappy toppy and was angry by the fact that it spent more time on his dads lap than him and considered it his worst enemy... Raghu took Arjun to their living room and gave him arjuns toys to play around as he could have all the time reading what he had to read... June 9th that was the day he had pinged her first it all started off as a dream which bloomed into a blossoming tulip flower... He made her laugh like never before, sang for her in his hoarse bathroom singing voice the rush of emotions were overwhelming by the time Raghu was done reading the final chat he had tear drops running down his cheeks without his knowledge...

It was all a passing cloud for Raghu as he was flying to the USA for a project and Reena had to get married... Both were stuck at a juncture where they had to make a choice between love and life and both chose the latter... Raghu flew away and Reena got married after he came back everything had changed and he had nothing but getting a move on in life... That was it the last chat of byee forever "I hope we don't see each other again" simple words that tore apart his every belief he had of love... Does it even exist he thought and the corner of his eye caught Arjun lying weeping and drenched in his own tears... The first thing that came to his mind was did he swallow something or did something wrong...

Raghu (in a loud voice) : What did you do????

Arjun who was lying down till now felt the fright of his life and didnt know what to answer and was cowering at his dads mighty voice... Still loud Raghu said "why dont u tell me what happened why are u crying like a wimp" with an angrier voice... He tried to talk with all his might but his lips could only spurt out a lone whimper while he got a tight slap on his back which made him burst out into a full blown fit of weeping... Raghu never hit his kid before but he was doing it despite his instinct and another blow went out on the poor kids back ordering him to stop crying...

While the next blow was going out Raghu managed to look at his face in the mirror and it looked nothing like him with all the wrath and anger and disgust... It was like he had turned into a monster and himself for doing it... Was god testing him he thought or punishing him for what he did as he embraced arjun and consoled him and apologized for what happened he made him sit on his lap and consoled him to stop crying and asked him...

Raghu: Beta tell papa what happened... why were u crying??
Arjun: Papa I saw you crying... the lappy toppy was making you cry and I couldnt do anything...

Raghu detested himself for what had happened and promised Arjun that thing will never make me cry again beta... He saw his family photo as this was happening so many things had happened and this was certainly a test, a test of his integrity, a test of his willingness to let go, a test of actual love... With a grim smile Raghu selected all the chats and hit DELETE...